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Ebb & Flow

by Big Fin

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1.
Gold; the colour of the sun and of your skin, Your freckles mimic stars from the night sky. Wind; the breath of nature permeates my lungs, My eyes weak from the sore sight of your smile. If time holds the key to our faith, Then who’s leading who in this race? And if I’m wrong then I’m sorry, my mistake. Food, it rarely stops in centering our days, Our conversation punctuates the noise. The sea feels home as waves help push me to the shore, Your body like a beacon in the void. I can live while my future unfolds, And deal with lies we’re being sold, But never again will I feel too old.
2.
Run, tell the world of the ways which I’ve sinned. Run, tell my friends of your woes. Run, tell your father just how you felt stuck. Run but you know you’re going nowhere. You speak like you haven’t a clue where to go, You speak like everything is fine, You speak in a way so as to feign a spark, You speak but your words fall out empty. Say what you’ll say ‘bout the sun, It shines what it wants to shine on. It’s never a dull day for long. It ploughs through endeavours and like clouds to the weather, its warmth will be noticed when gone. I feel like I never should have stuck it out, I feel like I wasted my time. I feel like I’m sick of me feeling like this, I feel like it’s drowning me out.
3.
Weeper 04:10
I know your heart’s slow. You’re quick to prove it, though. Calm, collected, neat, But screaming silently. You’re not in love. Your body, it breathes. And sings your tune to me. Swift and suddenly comes Your sad melody You’re not in love. Loose-lipped listener, Shaker, whisperer, Tight-tongued teaser, Tamer, believer. You're a gentle weeper; carer; keeper.
4.
Ad Hominem 04:17
Some lights illuminate a building, some; the sky. And I, when pushed to pick just one, could never lie. But did you ever notice? It’s long, long way home, With your complexion like the colour of the snow. You can catch me in the gallows hanging myself out to dry, If you want me, I'll be waiting; let me know. Some hearts exist to find a beat all of their own, And I can't pretend to play a part I've never known. But did you ever notice? It’s long, long way home, With your complexion like the colour of the snow. You can catch me in the gallows hanging myself out to dry, If you want me, I'll be waiting; let me know.
5.
Fear pins me to this floor, And I don’t walk no more, Though not for want of trying. It seems that as the faces change, I just stay the same, Documenting, always. Desperately I wade on, Through trials and tribulations, And all for what I’ll become. And now, years go by like days. Just blurred memories in the haze, Yet I’m moving so slowly. The need to understand our past, Comes less as the days pass; I’m more concerned with knowing me. Desperately I wade on, Through trials and tribulations, And all for what I’ll become.
6.
Laid Back 04:17
A dull grey sky, the wind's in trees, but all that means a thing to me is just fine. Your kind, wide smile replaced your tears; the happiest I’ve felt in years, tonight. It feels like lately we've lost track but somehow found our way right back to home. A dull and gloomy afternoon, laying in this bed with you, alone. …and we’re laid back again. I know you think the worst of me but darling this ain’t anything at all. 'least not worth the drama or the time spent screaming our lungs tired and sore. I’m waiting for the rush to end so we can live and stop pretending that We both don’t want the exact same thing; to stop the rows and start loosening the slack. …so we’re laid back again.
7.
I race along the rarest road, To subjugate the scenes I’ve sold, As though they were a part of me, And not just what I show. My last, she fed and watered me, Yet the house we built, at night, it creaked. It’s foundations; tectonic plates, A mind each of its own. That's how I know; I need to go. The pace of plates with other plans Can prove too much for any man The science; sound, our lives just prone To continental drift. "It’s alright, it’s okay, I’ll be just fine, I’ll never make mistakes next time"; Lies foamed from this mouth of mine To make conversation shift. That's how I know; I need to go. This carousel of lunar shifts responds to me, resound and swift. My wake up call like siren song; my body at your will. I see your eyes gleam empathy but inebriated, mine can’t see; A blindfold held at lock and key; a bomb waiting to go off. The worst thing to remember is I’d never want for any of this. I feel my body crying out For a hand of mine to hold, A once shaky voice comes screaming loud To tell me I’ve been acting out, A sad play seen some time before But only now retold. That’s how I now; I need to go.
8.
The Answer 02:03
Escape won’t come now, Time just runs out. I’m hoping somehow that I can work my demons out. So I’ll take my time to settle down, I’ll wait because the answer can't be found. Maybe we’re not meant to know? I’m no beginner, No saint nor sinner, No lose nor winner; But never ordinary too. It'll make my life a misery, So I’ll wait until the answer comes to me. Maybe we’re not meant to know?
9.
Reservations take their place, I’m sure I needn’t tell you why. One by one, this phantom tongue ensures I won’t be coy or kind. If you think you’ve found a way through, don’t force it. If you want to shy away too, don’t thwart it. But if you think you feel the same, don’t ignore it, And I will too. Caught by light I feel your eyes inspect my body hair to toes. Never moving mine too far for fear of knowing that it shows. If you think you’ve found a way through, don’t force it. If you want to shy away too, don’t thwart it. But if you think you feel the same, don’t ignore it, And I will... ...cower and I'll make my bed, I'll burrow and I'll play pretend, I make excuses, I waste time, I always change my mind. I never feel inclined. I'm deaf and I am blind. I'm running backwards. But if you think you’ve found a way through, don’t force it. If you want to shy away too, don’t thwart it. But if you think you feel the same, don’t ignore it, And I will too.
10.
I said my goodbyes as I packed up my home, I’ll drink from the tap at the watering hole. I waited for someone but nobody came, Nobody to follow and no one to blame. (I'll come home) You left in a hurry still waiting to see If the business of hurrying ever moves me. I know that this city means nothing to you, But I cannot say it’s the same for me too. (I'll come home) I’ve pushed and shoved And I’ve never learned a damn thing from love. Yet as I gaze out at the skies above, I know that you’re waiting for me. Against your best wishes, I set out alone, In search of the wealth to be found on the road. I promised I'd send ‘least a letter or two, 'cos I know sometimes I give nothing to you. You were born by the waters in the north, Tamed by the cold winds of the sea spilling forth, And you'd wait but a lifetime for me. I’ve pushed and shoved And I’ve never learned a damn thing from love. But as I gaze out at the skies above, I know that you’re waiting for me. I set out on this goose-chase searching for gold, I was never one to do much that I'm told.
11.
You’re pulling teeth again, And scraping through your skin For a new beginning. You’ve sworn you’d try again, But trying don’t make sense With no trust nor reverence, No new beginning. You waited in the rain, For floods to come my way And wash away the sin. But you’ll never find the truth, While hiding from it’s view. So, darling, do you need more proof For new beginnings? Well, it’s the way I see you stare at me; The unsaid words; the gritted teeth; The late nights and meaningful lines; And the way you love to finish mine; The footsteps pacing; the 'what-ifs'; The long walks and the lovers’ tiffs; The rested tongues for sake of sorrow; The ‘let’s just sleep until tomorrows’. Darling, can’t you ever see? Their status quo’s a fallacy! I pray one day that you’ll be free! I pray one day that you’ll be free! Life’s for living; not money! I pray one day that you'll be free!

about

In loving memory of Matthew James Cogley

credits

released February 9, 2015

All songs © 2014 Matthew Reynolds. All rights reserved.

Ebb & Flow was produced and mixed by Matthew Reynolds at The Ranch Production House, Middle Farm Studios and at home in Southampton, UK, January - December 2014.

Additional production by Neil Kennedy at The Ranch Production House, Southampton, UK.
(ranchproductions.co.uk)

Mastering and spiritual guidance by Peter Miles at Middle Farm Studios.
(www.petermiles.com)

Additional engineering by Robin Tidy at The Ranch Production House and Matt Cambridge at Middle Farm Studios.

Matthew Reynolds - Voice, Guitars, Bass, Keys/Synth/programming.
Aaron Graham - Drum set and percussion.
Ellie Price - Piano on tracks 1, 2, 7, 8 and 9.
Simon Dobson - Trumpet on tracks 4 and 7.
Patrick James Pearson - Organ on track 1.

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Big Fin Southampton, UK

My age, it means nothing. My name, it means less.

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